my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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