He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
