I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
