kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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