Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
