swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
