Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
