The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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