drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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