spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
