Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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