dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
