there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
