god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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