my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
