do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
