Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
