After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
