She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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