guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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