i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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