she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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