Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
