fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
