Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
