i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
