i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
