I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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