Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I just want to make out with him forever
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
