So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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