capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I had to cum in my sink.
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