Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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