Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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