oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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