Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
