My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
