I showed him my bush... on skype.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
