Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize