addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
