Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Randomize
