my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
