you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize