My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
