based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
