She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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