i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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