you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
