Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
