I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
