It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
