I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
