my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
