i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
