It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
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