i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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