dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
