oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
