You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
