Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I could make wine with my vomit
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
