Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
