i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
