i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
