I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
