How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
