And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
