This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
