ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
